Friday, 21 July 2017

Is it Sex? Or is it Love?



It's been a loooonnnng week!

Now we're here, with a party weekend in prospect - we're off to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern for an evening of low culture, courtesy of the lovely Polari regular Karen McLeod's comic creation "Barbara Brownskirt", and the weekend may be a bit stormy but (for London) is looks likely to stay dry and warm.

So what we need right now is something funky to get us in the mood. A few weeks ago, we celebrated the 40th anniversary of the Donna Summer/Giorgio Moroder behemoth I Feel Love. Today, we have a more recent similarly-titled creation by a certain DJ Pierre to start our shimmying off in an appropriate manner - complete with an amusing [likely more so than watching the actual film, or indeed any film with Will Ferrell in it] clip from A Night At The Roxbury...

Thank Disco It's Friday!


Have a good weekend, dear reader.

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Meanwhile, in Michigan...



From the BBC:
A woman has been found guilty of shooting her husband five times in a Michigan murder case apparently witnessed by a parrot.

Glenna Duram shot her husband, Martin, in front of the couple's pet in 2015, before turning the gun on herself in a failed suicide attempt.

The parrot later repeated the words "Don't shoot!" in the victim's voice, according to Mr Duram's ex-wife.

The parrot, an African Grey named Bud, was not used in the court proceedings.

Not revealed in the article is when Bud will get his own television show as the world's first psittacine detective.

"Hercule Parrot", perhaps?

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

The man who pixelates the breasts



After revelations by the BBC about how much its "top" presenters earn, including Chris Evans (pay bracket: £2,200,000 - £2,249,999 - though what the hell he does to justify that is questionable!), Gary Lineker (£1,750,000 - £1,799,999), Graham Norton (£850,000 - £899,999), Jeremy Vine (£700,000 - £749,999), John Humphrys (£600,000 - £649,000), Steve Wright (£500,000 - £549,999) and Fiona Bruce (£350,000 - £399,999), this:
Channel Five has revealed the salaries of the woman who chooses the programmes and the man who pixelates the breasts.

The broadcaster said it was revealing the salaries of both its staff members because it wanted to demonstrate transparency and prove that the BBC is a total waste of time and money.

Programme chooser Emma Bradshaw, who is on £53,000 a year, said: “Half the greedy bastards at the BBC are on more than the prime minister of the UK. I get paid slightly more than the prime minister of one of the countries where the documentaries about stag parties are filmed.

“And more people want to watch shows about stuff getting repossessed than yet another costume drama about a bunch of ponces.”


Breast pixelater Wayne Hayes, who is on £39,000 a year, added: “I’m doing the job of 10 men. We like to show as many breasts as possible during the day, but because of the ‘rules’ I have to make them a bit blurry. It’s an awful lot of work.

“We used to have a guy who pixelated fannies, but now if a programme’s got fannies we just wait until after five o’clock to show it.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Gilding the Lily



“To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.”

- William Shakespeare, King John

Oh, the Lilies here at Dolores Delargo Towers (in pots, just outside the back door) have been such a joy of late...

I think these majestic purveyors of the most heavenly scent deserve a beautiful piece of music to accompany them.

How fitting that today would have been the 90th birthday of the great conductor Kurt Masur - and here he is conducting a sublime piece from Antonin Dvořák to soothe our troubled minds:


Kurt Masur (18th July 1927 – 19th December 2015)

Monday, 17 July 2017

Feel like running and dancing for joy



It's another Monday - and the weather, as is its wont, is the best we have had for a few days. Just in time to sit behind acres of glass under strip lighting in the office. Groan...

...but we do have a centenary to celebrate!

On this Tacky Music Monday, let's wallow in the "zany" talents of the wonderful Miss Phyllis Diller, and take our minds off things. She's Feeling Pretty:


Loved her.

Phyllis Ada Driver (17th July 1917 – 20th August 2012)

Sunday, 16 July 2017

Who's that Girl?



"I've reversed the polarity of the Neutron flow." - Third Doctor

So...

...the new Doctor Who is a woman!!

Controversial decision, some might say - but nevertheless, welcome to the TARDIS, Ms Jodie Whittaker...


The announcement on the BBC

Saturday, 15 July 2017

Daylight robbery and Go-Go girls



Oh dear. Corporate greed abounds again.

Yesterday, Madam Arcati discovered that every photo he had ever posted to his rather lovely blog diary of our gardens had been replaced by a threatening graphic by our chosen host site for photo albums, Photobucket. It seems that, without any warning at all, from now on users cannot link from that site to Blogger or anywhere else - until or unless one pays them the princely sum of $399 (over £300) per year!!!!!

Needless to say, we will never fork out that kind of money - ransom threats or no ransom threats - just to see our own photos on a blog. So now I have an unenviable task ahead - to "repair" six years' worth of The Madam's blogs by painstakingly replacing Photobucket links with directly uploaded photos (thankfully Blogger lets users do that for free - at the moment). Thank heavens he's not such a prolific blogger as I.

Bigger, yet, however, is the task I have to do here - to go back over TEN YEARS of my own blogs (both here and over at the Museum of Camp - there are thousands!) and check to which ones I have embedded photos from our albums, then replace them. Then close my Photobucket account for good, and tell them where they can shove their blackmail.

I foresee much cursing and drinking. ["No change there", I hear you cry!]

To calm the jangling nerves somewhat, here's an old fave and a "Go-Go" classic from The Eliminators:


Keep shimmying!

Friday, 14 July 2017

How do I look?



As we hurtle (well, crawl slowly) towards another weekend - with the afterglow of Saturday's Gay Pride [our photos are still popping up all over the interwebs], and the good news that I got the job for which I was interviewed last week to lighten the mood even more - let us pop over the water (virtually; unfortunately) to join our leetle French chums, whose own party is in full swing for their Quatorze Juillet celebrations.

And with house fave Dimitri From Paris to lead the way, it'll be one helluva party!


Merci Disco il ç'est Vendredi! [Thank Disco it's Friday!]

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Tools



Just because it happens to be Benny Benassi's birthday - here's an old fave, for your delectation...


Wobble it!

Marco "Benny" Benassi (born 13th July 1967)

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Soon found out had a heart of (Philip) Glass



Oh, my dears.

Thanks to our lovely reader Julius Maloney, I was pointed in the direction of this work of genius - a most unexpected "mash-up" of two of our favourites here at Dolores Delargo Towers, Blondie's eternal Heart of Glass and Philip Glass's sublime Violin Concerto II:


Simply divine...

[And before you ask, no, I have never watched The Handmaid's Tale, in which this was featured.]

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

You're simply not in the pink my dear



It was my first day back in the office after a prolonged, fantabulosa Pride Weekend - and it's all been "a bit Freddie"...


Now it's over, thankfully, the mood has changed somewhat!


Sainsbury's is never like this.

Monday, 10 July 2017

Love Happens Here, part 2 - "At the Copa"











Many and varied were the joys of Saturday's Gay Pride - the "gathering of the clans" (including my sister and hubbie and Madam Arcati's sister and niece, as well as our nearest and dearest friends Baby Steve, Alex, John-John, Sally, Lou, Julie, Mark and Jim) at Sal's pub for our traditional breakfast (bacon and champers!), the fact that we all had wristbands in advance of the day to actually get onto the march, and getting to watch an hour or so of the colourful parade before joining in the throng - but among the spectacle and the hoo-hah, the infinite variety of participants and the endless flags and banners, came this lot...

...none other than the Welsh Guards marching band, entertaining the crowds with their tribute to - ahem - Barry Manilow!


And speaking of Copacabana - this is, after all, a Tacky Music Monday (despite the fact I am still on leave) - so how about Carmen Miranda's similarly-titled Let's Do The Copacabana to end this party weekend with a bang?!


Have a great week, peeps!

PS We are here, marching, at 48 minutes in:

Sunday, 9 July 2017

Love Happens Here



Twenty-six thousand participants. An estimated one million people amassed to watch the parade or celebrate at one of the party stages. And - mainly thanks to a long, hard-fought campaign involving me and my sister - "our gang" was able to march as a group of individuals (in "Art Deco" style!) on this, one of the biggest Gay Prides ever!

Yesterday's event was indeed spectacular. Armed forces, charities, corporates and shopping chains; trannies, dykes-on-bikes, fetishists and Muscle Marys; Bhangra dancers, steel drummers and drag lip-synchers; Tom Daley, soap stars, Sadiq Khan and Sinitta (even "royalty") - everybody who is anybody was there!

Colourful to say the least...








...a FANTABULOSA day!!

Pride in London

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Thought for the Day



So lets bring on the men
And let the fun begin
A little touch of sin
Why wait another minute

Step this way it's time for us to play
They say we may not pass this way again
So let's waste no more time
Bring on the men!



Happy Pride!

Friday, 7 July 2017

It's your life - whatcha gonna do?



It's Gay Xmas Eve, peeps!

As is my wont at this time of year, I think back to all the many, many years I have taken part in this, the biggest date in the gay (indeed our entire social) calendar. As my regular reader may know (not least from yesterday's photo caption), I first came to Gay Pride in London way back in 1985, then attended every year from 1991 to date.

A particularly memorable occasion was the Pride March and Festival twenty years ago. I and a gang of friends from Plymouth travelled up (and slept) in a van, parked up in Streatham, before we headed into the centre of town for the march - then, armed with booze and poppers, it was back South to Clapham Common for the (then traditional) party in the park - and what a party!

On stage that memorable day (the last free Pride party for many years) were Sharleen from Texas, Dannii Minogue, Adeva, Peter Andre, Olive, the Shamen, Boy George, Gina G, Heaven 17, Erasure, Holly Johnson and the Pet Shop Boys!

And this lady. Here's the utterly faboo Ultra Naté and her enduring "gay anthem" - Free:


When you're down and you're feeling bad
Everybody has left you sad
Feels like no one will pull you through
It's your life - whatcha gonna do?
Make that change, let's start today
Get outta bed, get on your way
Don't be scared your dream's right there
You want it (you want it), reach for it

'Cause you're free
To do what you want to do
You've got to live your life
Do what you want to do!


Thank Disco It's Gay Xmas Eve Friday!!

Thursday, 6 July 2017

Unnatural offences


Gay Pride '85 - I was there!

From The Independent:
“It was a famous gay pub,” says [activist and writer] Andrew Lumsden. “It was a place that made money out of gay customers and had declared a policy that no one in drag would be served, probably at the request of local police.

“About 20 of us went in, many of us dressed in drag. The landlord told us to get out and we refused so he called the police. In the end the police carried us out.”
The group were charged with disorderly conduct.

To happily add salt to the wound, members of the group attended their date at the Magistrates' Court dressed in their finest gowns.

“The Radical Queens arrived in beautiful drag. The magistrate was quite put out. There was no pretence that they were women. They were in hats, and frocks. Indeed immensely hairy chests surrounded by frills and furbelows was one of the great sights of the movement. We wanted to show that we were free to dress as we liked.

If we want to be camp, we will. It was breaking down the stereotypes of what a man must be like."
It is fifty years since the partial decriminalisation of male homosexuality in England and Wales. It was a landmark ruling, but deeply flawed. Trust the saintly Peter Tatchell to provide an in-depth analysis of what was the reality after the passing of The Sexual Offences Act 1967:
...research reveals that an estimated 15,000-plus gay men were convicted in the decades that followed the 1967 liberalisation. Not only was homosexuality only partly decriminalised by the 1967 act, but the remaining anti-gay laws were policed more aggressively than before by a state that opposed gay acceptance and equality.

The 1967 legislation repealed the maximum penalty of life imprisonment for anal sex. But it still discriminated. The age of consent was set at 21 for sex between men, compared with 16 for sex between men and women; a decision that pandered to the homophobic notion that young men are seduced and corrupted by older men. The punishment for a man over 21 having non-anal sex with a man aged 16-21 was increased from two to five years.

Gay sex remained prosecutable unless it took place in strict privacy, which meant in a person’s own home, behind locked doors and windows, with the curtains drawn and with no other person present in any part of the house. It continued to be a crime if more than two men had sex together or if they were filmed or photographed having sex by another person. Seven men in Bolton were convicted of these offences and two were given suspended jail terms – in 1998.

The 1967 reform applied to only England and Wales, not being extended to Scotland until 1980 and to Northern Ireland until 1982. It did not include the armed forces or merchant navy, where sex between men remained a criminal offence. Gay military personnel and merchant seamen could still be jailed until 1994, for behaviour that was no longer a crime between gay civilians. Legislation authorising the sacking of seafarers for homosexual acts on UK merchant ships was repealed only last month.

Centuries-old anti-gay laws remained on the statute book long after 1967 as “unnatural offences”. The two main gay crimes continued to be anal sex, known in law as buggery; and gross indecency, which was any sexual contact between men including mere touching and kissing. There was also the offence of procuring – the inviting or facilitating of gay sex. The law against soliciting and importuning criminalised men chatting up men or loitering in public places with homosexual intent, even if no sexual act took place.

Men were convicted under this law, before and after 1967, for merely smiling and winking at other men in the street.

...There were police stake-outs in parks and toilets, sometimes using “pretty police” as bait to lure gay men to commit sex offences. Gay saunas were raided. “Disorderly house” charges were pressed against gay clubs that allowed same-sex couples to dance cheek to cheek. Gay and bisexual men, and some lesbians, continued to be arrested until the 1990s for public displays of affection, such as kissing and cuddling, under public order and breach of the peace laws.

In 1966, the year before partial decriminalisation, some 420 men were convicted of gross indecency. But by 1974, my research shows, the annual number of convictions had soared by more than 300% to 1,711 in that year...

...In the 1980s, the Conservative government’s “family values” campaign whipped up hysterical levels of homophobia, aided by the moral panic over HIV/Aids. At the 1987 Conservative party conference Margaret Thatcher used her keynote speech to attack the notion that people had a right to be gay.

Coinciding with this intolerant atmosphere was a massive rise in arrests of gay men for consenting behaviour. In Home Office archives I found that there were 1,718 convictions and cautions for gross indecency in 1989. The 2,022 recorded offences of gross indecency that year was almost as many as the 2,034 recorded in 1954, when male homosexuality was totally illegal.

Full reform did not happen until 46 years after 1967. The gross indecency law of 1885 had been used to convict the computer genius Alan Turing in 1952 and, before him, to jail the playwright Oscar Wilde in 1895. Together with the criminalisation of anal sex, it was finally repealed by the Sexual Offences Act 2003. As a result, for the first time in 470 years, England and Wales had a criminal code that did not penalise gay sexuality. In Northern Ireland, the ban on anal sex was not finally repealed until 2008. Scotland’s anti-gay laws were repealed in 2009 but, in the case of sodomy, did not take effect until 2013. It seems scarcely credible, but gay sex ceased to be a crime in the UK only four years ago.
Food for thought, indeed.

So, although we celebrate the significant progress that has been made since the Sexual Offences Act fifty years ago, it is worth recognising that what today is a huge, micro-managed, over-regulated "parade" through Central London - Gay Pride - should actually be a prominent acknowledgement of the battles for genuine equality [by the likes of Mr Lumsden and his chums, and generations of feisty and indefatigable campaigners and protesters who followed] that actually took almost 46 years to achieve.

And in our charts this week fifty years ago?

How appropriate - It's Queen Aretha!


R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me!


Indeed.

Watch When gay acts were a crime, a vignette from the BBC.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Zombie Drag Queens



It's another scorcher today! But how did I spend the day? Preparing for, and attending, an interview [for a higher grade post in our team]. Fingers crossed I did OK - despite the beads of sweat trickling off me...

Hey ho.

In the "real" world, we're continuing our countdown to Gay Xmas this weekend!

And what better way to jolly the situation up than to revisit an old favourite here at Dolores Delargo Towers? Before GaGa stole her image, the world of weird dressing-up campery more-or-less belonged to today's birthday girl Miss Róisín Murphy [along with the likes of Miss Grace Jones]. And we love her!

Here's her magnificent Movie Star to keep us in the mood for the impending party - let us hope we don't encounter any zombie drag queens en route:



I'm a trusting soul not ashamed of living dangerously
And I'm a headstrong girl, I'm afraid I won't be told
I feel my destiny is only 'round the corner
Sugar daddy promised me I'll be sitting on top of the world

He saw my naked ambitions said I would leave them wanting more
That could be crazy wishing we could ever have it all
Have it all, have it all

We'll make a movie, we'll break into cinema
You'll be director and I'll be your movie star
We'll make a movie, the darlings of cinema
You'll be director and I'll be your movie star

So he's a headstrong guy and perhaps I shouldn't listen
There's a million girls wanna be in my position
If he tells me lies I'll suspend my disbelieving
I leave it all behind, I ain't asking for permission

Feels like a new beginning and there's so much to explore
It's not so crazy thinking we could really have it all
Have it all, have it all

We'll make a movie, we'll break into cinema
You'll be director and I'll be your movie star
We'll make a movie, the darlings of cinema
You'll be director and I'll be your movie star


Many happy returns, Róisín Marie Murphy (born 5th July 1973)

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Together this is what we'll do



A g'wan then...

Even though it always seems somewhat contrary for a citizen of the British Empire to join in the victory parade of its rebellious colonies, over the pond (due West, indeed) the bunting is out for this year's Fourth of July celebrations.

As it is also the middle of our countdown to Gay Pride in London this weekend, let's combine the two parties by way of one of the US of A's most fab-u-lous exports - the Village People and Go West!


Together we will go our way, together we will leave some day.
Together your hand in my hand, together we will make the plans.
Together we will fly so high, together tell our friends goodbye.
Together we will start life new, together this is what we'll do.

Go west, life is peaceful there.
Go west, lots of open air.
Go west to begin life new.
Go west, this is what we'll do!
Go west, sun in winter time.
Go west, we will do just fine.
Go west where the skies are blue.
Go west, this and more we'll do.

Together we will love the beach, together we will learn and teach.
Together change our pace of life, together we will work and strive.
I love you, I know you love me; I want you happy and carefree.
So that's why I have no protest when you say you want to go west.

Go west, life is peaceful there.
Go west, lots of open air.
Go west to begin life new.
Go west, this is what we'll do!
Go west, sun in winter time.
Go west, we will do just fine.
Go west where the skies are blue.
Go west, this and more we'll do.

I know that there are many ways to live there in the sun or shade.
Together we will find a place to settle down and live with the space
without the busy pace back east, the hustling, rustling of the feet,
I know I'm ready to leave too, so this is what we're going to do

Go west, life is peaceful there.
Go west, lots of open air.
Go west to begin life new.
Go west, this is what we'll do!
Go west, sun in winter time.
Go west, we will do just fine.
Go west where the skies are blue.
Go west, this and more we'll do.


I bet they're all singing along at Mar-a-Lago!

Monday, 3 July 2017

That old vo-de-o-do



Sharing a birthday today with such disparate names as playwright Sir Tom Stoppard (who is 80), Broadway legend Betty Buckley (70), Laura Branigan (who would have been 60), Tom Cruise, Fontella Bass, Tracey Emin, George Sanders, Franz Kafka, Susan Penhaligon, Judith Durham (of The Seekers), Julian Assange, Vince Clarke and "Baby Doc" Duvalier, the eccentric genius that was Ken Russell would have been ninety years old today.

As the struggle to wake up this morning is upon us, we need the help of one of Mr Russell's completely over-the-top numbers to assist us in our progress towards the joys of work - and what better on this Tacky Music Monday (and the start of our countdown to Gay Pride on Saturday) than a little Charleston..?


Won't you Charleston with me?
Won't you Charleston with me?
And while the band is playing that
Old vo-de-o-do
Around we will go
Together we'll show them
How the Charleston is done
We'll surprise everyone
Just think what Heaven it's going to be
If you will Charleston, Charleston with me
If you will Charleston, Charleston with me


Roger Ebert review of Ken Russell's The Boy Friend.

Henry Kenneth Alfred "Ken" Russell (3rd July 1927 – 27th November 2011)

Sunday, 2 July 2017

Ooh, it's so good, it's so good



Listening to Radio 2 (as is my wont on Sundays) I heard a trailer for a show tomorrow that sent a shockwave down my spine.

For, terrifyingly, it is forty years since the release of one of the most influential songs, ever - I Feel Love by Donna Summer!

The brilliant product of a cross-pollination between the mechanised, electronic world of Giorgio Moroder's synths and the sassy, sleazy world of funk-disco vocal styles, I Feel Love was not only the song that encapsulated the global domination of Disco, but also gave birth to the synth-pop era that made the late 70s and early-mid 80s such an era of experimentation and innovation.

As the blurb for the programme The Summer Of "I Feel Love" says:
Exactly 40 years ago, the combination of Donna Summer's beguiling voice and the studio wizardry of writer-producers Giorgio Moroder and Pete Bellotte created a record that changed the course of dance music. I Feel Love, released on July 2, 1977, was the template for the electronic revolution that followed, inspiring generations of artists with a daringly futuristic sound that reverberates to this day.

To mark this momentous anniversary, Paul Sexton introduces a celebration of a truly groundbreaking record. The Summer Of "I Feel Love" features memories of its creation from Moroder and Bellotte, while superstar DJs Arthur Baker and John Morales talk about its impact on both the dancefloor and on their lives. Martyn Ware, meanwhile, describes the influence that I Feel Love had on his work with the Human League and Heaven 17. Also featured are techno pioneer Derrick May, author Tim Lawrence and Sister Bliss of Faithless, who reveal what it was like to remix the track that became the very pulse of disco.
It also spawned myriad cover versions, not least by Madonna, Kylie, Blondie, Bette Midler, Moby, and...

...the inimitable Klaus Nomi:


...an Irish fiddle-band called Ham Sandwich:


...Blue Man Group featuring Venus Hum [love that dress!]:


...a Turkish singer called Ülkü:


...and, of course, Bronski Beat and Marc Almond!


However, there is only one original, after all...


Happy birthday, I Feel Love!


Postscript - 3 July 2017

A fact I never realised:
I Remember Yesterday was yet another concept album, cooked up by Bellotte and inspired by Anthony Powell’s novel A Dance to The Music Of Time (also the LP’s original title). Each song would evoke a different decade’s mood, from 40s swing to the 1960s with the Shirelles and Supremes, 70s funk and contemporary disco before alighting upon the future with the final track: I Feel Love.
Read Bill Brewster's history of the making of the song in MixMag

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Integrity, honesty, generosity, self-sacrifice and dignity



Don't mess with a post-centenarian, sweeties! From the BBC:
Oscar-winning actress Olivia de Havilland is suing the makers of a television show which she says portrayed her as a "petty gossip".

De Havilland, who turns 101, filed a lawsuit against FX Networks and producer Ryan Murphy over the miniseries Feud: Bette and Joan.

The drama explored the bad blood between the Hollywood screen legends Joan Crawford and Bette Davis.

The actress, who appeared in 50 films, was played by Catherine Zeta-Jones.

In papers filed at the Los Angeles Superior Court, de Havilland - who was made a dame in the Queen's birthday honours in June - said the show's characterisation of her damaged her "professional reputation for integrity, honesty, generosity, self-sacrifice and dignity".

The Gone With The Wind star is asking a jury to consider the emotional distress caused by the show, as well as potential financial losses and the profits made from using her identity.
Many happy returns, Miss de Havilland - and you keep giving those whipper-snappers what for!!!

Dame Olivia Mary de Havilland, DBE (born 1st July 1916)

Friday, 30 June 2017

Work it if you got the nerve



"It wasn’t just an attack on the LGBTQ community, but on one of its sacred spaces: the dance floor."

Thus, just over a year on from the horrors vested on the gay community in Orlando, none other than the Scissor Sisters have been tempted out of their own self-declared "hiaitus" to raise some money for the Contigo Fund that was set up in the wake of the murders.

In conjunction with a singer calling herself "MNDR", here is the result...

On this last weekend before Gay Xmas (aka Gay Pride in London) - let us SWERLK!!


And - just in case you needed some help in the partying stakes - here's an instructional video:


Thank Disco It's Friday!

To donate to this good cause, visit http://www.swerlk.com/...

...and have a great weekend!

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Out come the 1980s ballads and the weird confessions


Most Britons cannot possibly have just one drink, researchers have confirmed.

Scientists discovered that there is something in the first drink that renders British people incapable of not staying for another, even when they repeatedly insist they have to get up for work in the morning.

Dr Emma Bradford said: “Then once they are two drinks in, it seems a pity not to stay for one more, then they have another because they are having such a nice time.

“And two hours later, out come the 1980s ballads and the weird confessions.”


She added: “Until we can find a cure for this genetic defect, I would advise British drinkers to cut out the first drink completely and go straight on to the second and third.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Chin, chin!

Wednesday, 28 June 2017

De Mooiste Stad


The tabloids are in a tizz over the impending return of The Great British Bake-Off

We are on a bit of a countdown to London's Gay Pride March (two weekends away!) - with last-minute shopping and adding a few trims to our outfits - and we have also booked our annual pilgrimage to Amsterdam for my birthday in August!

How appropriate (among a slew of famous birthdays including actress Kathy Bates, journalism guru Harold Evans, the faboo and sadly missed John Inman, composer Richard Rodgers, the lovely Gilda Radner and the living legend that is Mel Brooks) that we have a rather appropriate centenarian to celebrate today - one of Holland's most-lauded popular singers (and gay man), Wim Sonneveld!

Here he is with one of our favourite songs about one of our most beloved cities - Aan de Amsterdamse Grachten:


Aan de Amsterdamse grachten
heb ik heel mijn hart voor altijd verpand.
Amsterdam vult mijn gedachten,
als de mooiste stad in ons land.
Al die Amsterdamse mensen,
al die lichtjes 's avonds laat op het plein.
Niemand kan zich beter wensen
dan een Amsterdammer te zijn.


Couldn't agree more.

Willem "Wim" Sonneveld (28th June 1917 – 8th March 1974)

Tuesday, 27 June 2017

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim



Timeslip moment again...

...and our DeLorean has skidded to a halt in the poodle-perm-dominated, Iran-Contra-scandal-hit world of 1987 - the year of Thatcher vs Kinnock, the Zeebrugge disaster, Euro Disney, the Hungerford massacre, the Channel Tunnel, Eniskillen, the "Great Storm", Rick Astley, the King's Cross fire and the birth of The Simpsons (and of Zac Efron, Andy Murray, Joss Stone and Karen Gillan).

In the news in June thirty years ago: Maggie Thatcher won her third term in office in the snap general election; the Iraq-Iran War reached a new nadir with the use of chemical weapons on civilian targets; there were race riots in the Chapeltown area of Leeds; South Korea experienced widespread unrest in the June Democratic Uprising; UK unemployment fell below three million for the first time since 1981; in the ascendant were the European Union (with the signing of the Single European Act), Peter Beardsley (the most expensive football player transferred in the UK to that date, with a £1.9 million move from Newcastle United to Liverpool) and basic common sense (as the US Supreme Court ruled that teaching "creationism" was unconstitutional; it is a religious doctrine not a science), but we said our sad goodbyes to the legendary Fred Astaire. In our cinemas: London saw the gala premiere of 15th James Bond film The Living Daylights (starring Timothy Dalton); also showing were Police Academy 4 and Three Amigos. On telly: The Network Chart Show (ITV's answer to Top of the Pops), camp classic Prisoner: Cell Block H, and the much-mocked It's a Royal Knockout.

In the UK charts this week in 1987? Power ballads and big hair predominated, with John Farnham, Whitesnake, Starship, Johnny Logan and Wibblin' Whitney all present; Bruce Willis was there doing his "comedy karaoke"; but there was also salvation in the form of Pet Shop Boys, Sam Fox and Curiosity Killed the Cat. And at the top of the pile was this - a cringeworthy "classic" if ever there was one...

It's The Firm and Star Trekkin'!


Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.


As I said: a classic.

Monday, 26 June 2017

A lot of what it takes to get along



Sharing a birthday as he does with such magnificently-named individuals as Wolfgang Windgassen, Chesty Puller and Hedwig Sophia, Duchess of Holstein-Gottorp, Syd Lawrence sounds positively pedestrian...

However, in his day Mr Lawrence was lauded for "reviving" the sound of the Big Bands of yesteryear for a new audience, and, such was his renown that his orchestra - decades after his passing - continues to perform in venues up and down the country.

The Syd Lawrence Orchestra was also a staple of prime-time variety shows during the 60s, 70s and even into the 80s - as in this remarkably unusual performance on Sez Les (Les Dawson's flagship ITV show) in 1972. On this Tacky Music Monday, here's his rendition of We're in the Money - but why the strippers..?


They make Pan's People seem like The Bolshoi.

Have a good week, peeps!

Syd Lawrence (26th June 1923 – 5th May 1998)

Sunday, 25 June 2017

Glory and Cloggz


Ipomoea purpurea (Morning Glory) "Kniola's Black" in the Gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers

It's not often that we say "I wish it would rain" here in the UK. But when the skies are so grey and the air is so humid (despite the wind), it really could do with a bloody good thunderstorm to clear the air... Despite everything, I still managed to enjoy a good old potter in the garden today - planting a few climbers for the fence and on one of our two "obelisks" in the main beds.

On the other, the faboo Morning Glory above has already taken hold with a vengeance, and we have another half-dozen seedlings to go in to accompany it - utterly beautiful (even if, as its name implies, it only puts on this stunning show in the morning, and the flowers are closed and gone by noon)!

As ever, my soundtrack all day has been Radio 2 - mainly 80s throwbacks and, of course, easy listening. Like this lot!

Here's a double bill from The Cloggz:



Love 'em!

Saturday, 24 June 2017

Fly me to...1968?


He needs to cool down a bit

As our unexpected heatwave gives way to humid, muggy conditions with a distinct threat of rain, so we need to find a way to escape.

And what better way than on a 1968 BOAC trip across the USA...

...courtesy of those geniuses at Soft Tempo Lounge..?


Support Soft Tempo Lounge today!

Music: Message by Piero Piccioni and Lydia MacDonald
Intro music: Call Me by the The Kessler Twins

Friday, 23 June 2017

Is it really magic in the air?







And so the weekend finally beckons - fingers crossed, now that our remarkable heatwave is over and cooler breezes waft over the UK, that it stays sunny!

Speaking of "sunny", it is (gulp!) the 60th birthday today of the charismatic Mr Leee [sic] John, the campest showman of the 80s "funk revival". With acres of gold lamé, and plenty of gyrating male flesh, he and his band Imagination certainly - ahem - captured the imagination in the 80s. Not least with this one...

Thank Disco It's Friday, and let's hope it isn't all Just An Illusion!


Searching for a destiny that's mine
There's another place another time
Touching many hearts along the way, yeah
Hoping that I'll never have to say
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion

Follow your emotions anywhere
Is it really magic in the air?
Never let your feelings get you down
Open up your eyes and look around
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion

Could it be that it's just an illusion?
Putting me back in all this confusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion now?
Could it be that it's just an illusion?
Putting me back in all this confusion?
Could it be that it's just an illusion now?
Could it be a picture in my mind?

Never sure exactly what I'll find
Only in my dreams I turn you on
Here for just a moment then you're gone
It's just an illusion, illusion, illusion




Many happy returns, Mr Leslie McGregor John (aka Leee John, born 23rd June 1957)

Thursday, 22 June 2017

The Apocrypha of St Nigel


War, Famine, Pestilence and Death have a fifth companion known as Stupidity, experts have discovered.

The find was made in an obscure passage in the Apocrypha of St Nigel, a little-known fifth-century Saint who is patron of talking loudly in pubs and deliberately driving your car into a tree.

St Nigel was martyred after falling down a manhole to the sound of a host of angelic sad trombones.

Bible expert Tom Logan, from the Institute of Studies, warned the discovery suggested the end times might be upon us.

He said: “The passage in question makes a direct reference to the ‘last trump of doom’ when Stupidity would ride forth to bring manifold miseries upon all the lands of the Earth.

“In his left hand he held a great scroll upon which were uncounted numbers of unsourced memes which reinforce thine prejudices, and when opened it rained forth a plague of fatuousness upon humanity.

“And all comments threads followed after him.”
The Daily Mash

Of course.

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

The temperature's rising, it isn't surprising



It's the longest day of the year - Midsummer Day - and the weathermen have predicted it's going to get hotter than even the last few days (which have been scorchers). If the thermometers reach 34C, it will officially be the hottest June day in Britain since the fabled "Summer of '76"!

Here's an appropriate number, methinks, for a Heatwave...


We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The temperature's rising,
It isn't surprising,
She certainly can can-can.

She started a heat wave
By letting her seat wave
In such a way that
The customers say that
She certainly can can-can.

Gee, her anatomy
Makes the mercury
Jump to ninety-three.

We're having a heat wave,
A tropical heat wave,
The way that she moves
That thermometer proves
That she certainly can can-can.

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Here's a house, here's a door. Windows: 1 2 3 4, ready to knock? Turn the lock – It's Play School



They're dropping like flies...

The star of Play School and Play Away [the show that launched the career of Jeremy Irons, Tony "Baldrick" Robinson and many others], the voice of Trumpton, Camberwick Green and Chigley - and yet another fondly remembered part of my childhood - Brian Cant is dead.





Proud possessor of one of the most soothing and friendly of voices in broadcasting, he, much like his contemporary and also recently departed John Noakes, was the beloved "friend" of generations of children from the 1960s to the 1980s.

So come along, children - sing along!


RIP Brian Cant (12th July 1933 – 19th June 2017)